Long Beach pics

Go around the corner on the left and you'll find me. Naked. Oiled up. Dolphin watching.

My own personal playground. The water is cold, though. Apparently, we're not that far from Antarctica. We're not that close, either, because it'd probably be a lot whiter in my pictures and I'd see icebergs floating by. The same iceberg that will melt because Al Gore said so and because Americans are evil, Hummer-loving, penguin-haters.

Speaking of Danny de Vito, I learned about Antarctica at the Auckland aquarium. Sadly, penguins don't make it this far north. Too many seals and orca and stuff. And they're flightless.

Long Beach in the hizzie...

...that's 'house,' Mom.

If you concentrate really hard, you can imagine how stock prices for Nivea will rise precipitously with bulk sunscreen purchases in Russell. If I lived here, my skin would look like those rocks.

Of course, if I lived here, I would know not to drink with Maoris. See below.

This is the view from my shaded spot on Long Beach in Russell. To my left, there is no one. To my right, there is no one.

Story of my life.

This is the view from my room. The water is probably about 200 yards away. The white house is the one that can peer into my bedroom window as I air dry. If you look really hard on the other side of the bay at Paihia, you can see angry Maori chiefs chanting something vitriolic about the rich white faces on "their" land. Okay, that's a lie. But straight across the bay is the site where the Treaty of Waitangi was signed in 1837 that essentially brought peace between the pahekas (European settlers) and the Maoris. That's all neat and stuff for schoolchildren, but the only real history that needs to be remembered is this: don't drink with Maoris because you'll lose, and don't accept a shot of sambuca after six beers when Maoris offer it to you. Just don't do it, for God's sakes. You'll wind up in the back of a bus with a finger down your throat, a half-digested, lab-experiment-gone-wrong, pre-packaged, grocery store chicken sandwich staring back at you, and regret in your heart. Learn from me, people. The Maoris are no joke.

I'm pretty sure I could write for the Auckland Chamber of Commerce.